So in my two relationships that I've had in my life, I've been broken up with. I've never even rejected anyone in my life. I always try at least one date. Usually they just disappear off the face of the Earth after a date or two. Usually I'm totally cool with it. I didn't really like them a ton, and they obviously didn't like me enough. Now for the first time, I meet a guy that is totally head over heels for me.
We met online, where I meet most of my guys these days. California and me started talking a few weeks ago. Out of the starting gate he was always rushing. He was leaving for California soon, so he wanted to rush through things a bit. He wanted my phone number before I was ready to give it, wanted to go out as much as we could before he left. He even wanted to ask me to be his girlfriend before he left. That is completely insane, and I told him as much. I can't be in a relationship from across the country , let alone with someone I barely know.
But we kept talking. We agreed to be able to see other people, which I was doing anyway. I'm not in a serious relationship with anyone, just casually seeing another guy who I haven't seen in a month anyway. We managed to hang out three times before he left, and I felt so crushed by the pressure of his expectations. He didn't realize it, but he was always pushing the issues. He knew I wasn't ready for a relationship, and said that was fine. But he would always mention how I refused to let him ask me, and what he would've done the day he would ask me, and how great a boyfriend he would be.
I'm not sure if it was me he wanted, or a relationship. He had never been in a relationship, let alone dated or kissed a girl, so I know he was really aching for the experience. I told him to slow down though. And despite my pleas he didn't really. Then the arguing started. I couldn't handle the stress. I feel that if he truly liked me he would've been much more understanding of my emotions. So finally I decided to end it. He always said he would leave me alone if I decided that's what I wanted.
And I did. I called him, and explained how I felt, and wished him well in life and told him I hoped he would find a girl that returned his feelings as enthusiastically as he gives them. It's only been twenty four hours, and I've gotten a ton of texts. Asking if we can talk, if there is anything he can change. And I'm really depressed. It's insane. I wanted out because I knew there was no future for us. The longer we stayed together, the more he would get attached and the uglier the eventual break up would be. He was far too emotional for such a young fledgling possible relationship. Ending this now is better for him. He may not see it now, but I'm opening him up to a whole new world of experiences he'll hopefully be more prepared for next time around. I'm hurting him a lot less than I would have if I let this go on in false hope for him.
Now I find myself missing a good morning text, and having someone tell me I'm beautiful everyday, and telling me how much they miss me. I know the feelings weren't necessarily for me in reality, but it was there and it felt kind of good. But there is the reality of the situation. Even though I logically know the reality, I feel terrible. If I'm doing the right thing for both of us, why do I feel so terrible?
